you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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