it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
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The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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