I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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