Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
