There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
