i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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