it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
