Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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