I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
