pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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