She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Someone shit on the floor
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
