Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
