It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Alive.
So much puke
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
