It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
