Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
They took my balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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