i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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