I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
