Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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