Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
