So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
