I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
