You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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