I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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