i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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