so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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