I showed him my bush... on skype.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
