if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
