Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
