Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
