Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
