We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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