fuck your aforementioned shoe
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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