so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
