I wish i was in the wii world.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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