Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
