do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize