I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
