How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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