My cat gives me a boner
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
