I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
