He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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