Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
