Tell her she can't have a vagina
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
