ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
