When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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