I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Randomize
