As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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