found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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