You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
