I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
