no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
