dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
