I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
