Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Randomize
