i don't plan on having that self control this summer
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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