Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
