I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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