so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
