Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
There r osticjed everywhere
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
