a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
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Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
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last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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