i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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