I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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