First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
