I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
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