I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
