in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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