You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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