My room smells like vodka and shame
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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