lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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