All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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