Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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