Porn is love you can see.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
