in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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