Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Randomize
