Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I feel like a drive thru vagina
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
