the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
