I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
