Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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