If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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