You smell like stripper and shame
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
